happy birthday dear self
hai zira. its me, in you. i know you just cried randomly, on your birthday night, because of one random customer yang wish. she is a first wisher! damn that’s unexpected. theres still good people out there.
i know you struggled a lot, with yourself, with your dean, with your inner thoughts, with your heart.. well you still struggling. i know that.
but you already did well. you become better day by day, handling your emotions. no more suicidal thoughts, no more stupid thoughts, no more feel-like-dying feelings, i’m sure you know what i mean.
as for him, i know, 70% of your mind portion are focusing on him, daydreaming about him, mad at him, all those questions, inner thoughts, depression came from him. all those sadness also came from him. why the hell did you let that happen everyday? but you did well. so so well. those feelings doesn’t effect your day anymore. although its effecting your mind, but you did well.
most importantly, your dean. I know, you’re punishing yourself right now and feel embarrassed with Allah. I know that. I know that you’re struggling with your iman right now. You feel like there’s no good future for you, there’s no good people for you, there’s no one needs you in this world. I know that you’re struggling to accept that Allah takes things from you for your own good. I know you still don’t understand why Allah takes so much happiness in you. I know you still finding answers for everything that happened. i know. take your time zirah. you just need time. Allah knew everything in your life, trust in Allah’s plan zirah.
happiest birthday, zirah. may we get the best future, the best friends around us, the best colleagues, the best results for us, and the best version of us in the near future.
I love you.
