Love and happy pills

Hello, this is me. I'm getting into this depressive phase again this year.  But maybe for this last (I wish) phase, it feels a bit different. No, not a bit. It feels differ from usual depress as I have someone to talk to. And I can't believe I would say, he is my new love. Sometimes I can't accept myself from allowing new guy to come into my life at this time, but he came when I needed someone the most. I never expect this dream-guy would come and approach me when I'm not ready to be in love again. He came when I don't feel the need to be loved and at the lowest point in my life. He shows me how it feels to be valued, appreciated and loved 'properly'.
Things are getting good and lovely, but I just keep fighting with myself to not being attached and fully trust to someone again. But I lost in the fight. I don't realize how much in love I am right now. I don't hate this feelings, but I just afraid of losing him. And I also afraid of myself for starting with someone new too soon. I keep on questioning myself until now, do I really love my past relay? Is it okay to move on this fast? Is it okay to feel this new guy is the one I've been dreaming of? He is too perfect for me, and I can't express how grateful I am to be loved by someone like him. I prayed, and I wish, he would love me that much until the rest of our lives. 
Conflicts happened and actually it's too much for me to handle. It's the same things that happens and at the same way with same feelings. I was blamed for something that I feel I shouldn't be blamed fully. I think I have the right to catch feelings when someone shows their affections and honesty. Those feelings are beyond my control, I can just control how I react and responds to it. My friend shouldn't blame me when he was the one who starts confessing and expressing his love. In this situation, I believe no one are truly at fault. He has the right to choose the love that he wants, and I have the right to catch feelings, and she also has the right to feel disappointed and heartbroken. But for me, her reactions are overwhelming. I respected and adored her, but her comments crushed me inside. 
I hope we can fix our friendship as soon as we can, I am a person who feel like dying when having conflicts with friends like this. People would say, some friends are not that important and worth to make me feel like this. I know she are not a true friend when she has the audacity to talk behind my back rather to confront. But you know, this is me, I will never feel ease when someone are hating me. I hope I can ignore those things.  
As usual, just expressing my new thoughts here. It's keep messing in my head and I can't do anything besides confessing to my blog. I've been looking for a valuable friendship for my entire life. Alhamdulillah, I have Izzah and Aisyah in my life. I'm grateful to have them. I'm grateful to have such understanding and loyal friends like them. They're far from sight but I know I always have them. To Teha, who I recently reached just to share my love life, thank you so much, you're the best love listener ever. I don't know much about yours, but deep inside in my heart, I will keep on praying the best for you and your life.
Thank you for everyone who I met this year.