Let me tell you about my love stories throughout my life. Note that these criteria were based on my point of view at THAT age. These stories are just for fun where they contain cute and also bitter phases of my love life. More specifically, my 'gatal' moments in my life.
I had a boy best friend when I was 5-6 years old. We only knew each other at daycare, where our parents would fetch us after work and where I stayed with other kids after kindergarten ended. He was such a nice boy, good-looking and very gentlemanly, even though he was the same age as me. We often played together at daycare as “husband and wife” (HIHIHI) with some other kids. We were too young to understand feelings. We were just kids having fun, sometimes laughing and getting shy when people joked about match-making us.
When we both turned 7, we were separated because he went to a different primary school. And that was when I met a Chinese-looking boy in my class.
I was in love too. He was totally my type, good-looking boy with Chinese features, amazing personality, leadership qualities, and soft-spoken. But we were still too young, and it was just a cute memory. I was so happy when he was told to sit beside me, and even happier when he confessed to me while sitting next to me. That was my first relationship ever, when I was about 11–12 years old. It was so cute. I miss that moment.
Eventually, we broke up because he wanted to focus on UPSR. What a cute tragic moment (HAKHAKHAK).
Back then, I attended primary school in the morning and Islamic primary school in the evening. That was where I reunited with my kindergarten hero. Since I registered later than the other kids, I was told to sit in the last class. There were only three classes per grade at that time. He was in the first class and was a prefect.
We were a little awkward when we met again because we had grown up and developed different personalities, so we didn’t talk much. But I was always happy whenever I was told to go to the first class for a replacement or collaboration class (as example; the teacher need to teach two classes at one time).
Then, on my 12th birthday, he suddenly gave me a present which were a notebook and a small card that said, “I love you.” It feels cringe to remember now, but it was a cute moment too. However, I was already with my primary school boyfriend at that time, so I didn’t accept him and just stayed as someone who had a crush on him (I was... loyal, right? hihi).
But the most unexpected part was that three days after confessing to me, he confessed to my best friend. Damn. I dodged a bullet. I never expected my kindergarten hero to be a playboy at such a young age. HAHA. It was disappointing, but well, we were all just kids.
Years went by, and I was sent to a boarding school far from home, where I studied for about five years until I completed SPM. In the first three years, I had 3 different crushes. Honestly, they weren’t that good-looking, sorry to say, maybe I was just bored. HAHA.
The first was my partner when I was the Vice President of the batch. In the end, we became kind of toxic to each other. I talked badly about him, and he talked badly about me. People chose to believe him more because he looked very innocent and trustworthy.. which, honestly, I agreed with. So we ended things badly and even stepped down from our leadership roles.
Then, in Form 3, I had a crush on a guy from the next class. Yes, he knew about it, and we liked each other at that time. I forgot why we stopped liking each other, but I remember how he suddenly confessed to me. I was very sure I didn’t obviously show that I had a crush on him, but one night he texted me (I’m not sure how he got my number) saying something like, “Buat apa tu, budak kelas sebelah?” And that text had me BLUSHING so badly.
Then, during upper form (form 4-5), we were all competing academically, preparing for SPM. I only became serious about studying when I had a rival in my class, someone who was annoying but funny at the same time. We grew close, and I swore I would never develop feelings for him. But little did I know, I relied on him a lot, and he became a safe space for me.
Eventually, I failed to stick to my stance, even though he was totally not my type. Maybe I was just too comfortable with him, and that was my weak spot. That relationship lasted about three years. In the end, we broke up because he cheated and disrespected me.
Surprisingly, I was only heartbroken for a few days before I met a gentle, tall, handsome, religious guy during my college era. At first, I didn’t even realize he was handsome. He looked good but wasn’t my type.
But my heart stumbled when he looked deeply into my eyes while we were working together on a program. Then he confessed to me in a way I had NEVER experienced before. He gave me a big bouquet and branded gifts. I had never received that kind of treatment in my life. That’s why I was TOTALLY stupid enough to believe his love bombing.
I received a LOT of expensive gifts from him, which made me feel like I should stay, appreciate him, and keep him no matter what. That was when my mental health worsened. I became anxious whenever he didn’t text me. My mind was full of “what ifs.” And guess what? My fears turned out to be true. He cheated on me in the most ridiculous way. And to this day, he has never shown any real regret. He cheated with my friend, and I never even received an apology from her.
What hurt even more was that he spoke badly about me afterward, twisting the story as if he were the victim, as if he “had to” cheat because of me.
To conclude that relationship: he was just love-bombing and a hypocrite. He didn’t act the way he spoke. He portrayed himself as a religious man but put aside the sins he wanted to commit and tried to hide them behind a good personality. He was nice to everyone and seemed IMPOSSIBLE to do such nonsense, but he did.
And that’s all for my bitter love stories.
As you can see, I was busy finding the love that I wanted since I was a kid,
and that's the thing I regret the most.
Yes, I was a lover girl before.
I was too young, and naive, I wasted my time with loves that were not lasting at all.
It was just a cute and happy moment and it was just for a while.
All of these things happened as lessons from Allah,
to make me realize that there is no love worth seeking except Allah’s love for His servants.
Allah can take away my family, whom I depend on the most.
Allah can take away every love I tried to keep.
Because He knew
Love was my weak spot.
To the girls out there struggling to find love the same way that I did,
wasting time as I did,
keep disappointed as I did,
we all knew what we needed to do,
we should first build the love to the One who creates the Love,
we will never find the right one,
until He found u the right one.
May we get the love that is meant for us,
who will show us the true meaning of love,
A love so secure that our children will never feel the need to look for it anywhere else, the way we once did.
Take care girlies, love you.
